Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
