Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
