There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
