my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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