If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
