For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
