Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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