An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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