I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
