smell my finger.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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