We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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