It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
