So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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