You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
