I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
