Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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