i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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