Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
