i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
