he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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