I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
BRING THE BAGELS
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
