I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
