meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
