You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
