well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
