Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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