i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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