I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
