New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have fence marks all over my body
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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