Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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