Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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