oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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