remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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