small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
