yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Mom said you looked used
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
