mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
