Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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