he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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