this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
