can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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