Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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