the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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