hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
