And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
