Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
