You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We need to rekindle our bromance
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
