I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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