I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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