I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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