sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
