soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
