If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
