At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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