epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
