I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
