What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Text me some of your sweat
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
