from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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