he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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