Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
