Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I would ride that face into the sunset
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The air taste purple.
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