Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
