So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
