So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
