Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
