so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
