grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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